Lost in translation

We've found many things to love in Buenos Aires so far in our few days here (beef, ice cream, cafes, sidewalk seating, architecture, the subway system), many things we don't like but can tolerate (dodging dog poo on every sidewalk, the abundance of mullets, insanely crazy drivers), but let us state for the record that there are two things here that are awful beyond compare: toilet paper and martinis.

The "softest" toilet paper is a few cuts above sandpaper, and the martinis we ordered tonight were so strange that we couldn't figure out what the deal was with them. Sweet vermouth? Olive juice? Lemon juice? Cheap gin? So very odd. Plus, they cut a straw in half to use as olive picks...need I say more? I think we'll stick to wine and Quilmes from here on out, thank you very much.